Can’t Decide Whether to Become a Parent? First, Find Internal Spaciousness (Here’s How)Jul 25, 2023
Do you want to be a parent? Do you want to remain child-free?
Are you feeling overwhelmed by not knowing how to answer either of those questions?
For many, deciding whether to become a parent is an easy decision. They know without a shadow of a doubt what they want. There’s no internal torture. Yet, that’s not everyone’s story…
If you’re feeling tortured by not knowing which path to choose, help is here.
When you’re navigating one of the biggest decisions of your lifetime, you’ll need internal spaciousness.
I’m sharing the beginning of your roadmap to freedom from mental gymnastics and indecision.
Why You Feel So Conflicted
You’re feeling tormented by this life-changing decision because you’re trying to figure out 1) what you want and 2) what you’re going to do about it at the same time.
You’re (understandably) merging these two questions — yet, each requires two separate, different processes to uncover the answer.
It’s just too much for one mind to think about all at once. It’s only natural you’d keep trying to fast-track these revelations, though, since you’re likely motivated by longstanding beliefs that just aren’t true, including:
- There’s a right or wrong answer you need to uncover
- You’re missing out while you spend time deciding
- You won’t be okay if you choose the “wrong” answer
- Whatever decision you make, you’ll regret it
When you’re in this tortured state of mind, you also can’t move forward. You stay stuck and miserable.
The Solution: Stop Thinking About It! (For Now)
It may sound counterintuitive, but it works — temporarily shift your attention to something else.
If you’re driving and you get to an intersection and you’re lost not knowing which way to go, it’s best to pull over, regroup, and get your bearings.
Stressing out in the intersection isn’t going to help!
Try This Breathing Practice to Regroup
Breathe. Take a step back for a moment. Regroup.
What does this look like practically? Pretend or decide (whichever works best for you) to not know what you want.
You are not trying to figure anything out. Instead, you’re choosing to not know what you want — even if you have an inkling about which way you’re leaning.
Next, it’s time to sit still and breathe with this practice to help you focus:
- Exhale for 10 slow counts, until nothing is left
- Allow your body to take in a breath on its own
- Expand your upper chest while your body is inhaling
- Repeat this process
- Then, breathe naturally — with your eyes closed if you wish — and be very still. In the stillness, you’ll be able to notice the energy moving inside your body
- Bring your focus to the physical sensations inside your body. Observe them while you stay still.
- Notice whether the sensations change on their own.
- Then bring your attention to your emotional sensations. Sometimes, you can notice them along the edges of the physical sensations.
There’s nothing to do here but observe.
There are no conclusions to draw. There’s nothing you need to change. When you’re still for long enough, you’ll likely feel your mind quiet down.
When you refocus your attention on your physical sensations it helps you get out of your looping thoughts (ruminating thinking). The result is internal spaciousness.
Rehashing what you already know has not yielded any benefit to date. Spend as much time as you can to experience the internal stillness and spaciousness, where there’s room for new thoughts and ideas to arrive.
You’ll need to go after this internal spaciousness intentionally. Practicing internal spaciousness for five minutes, three times per day, can go a long way! This muscle, when exercised gets stronger by the day...
This is how new information comes to you. Practice this internal spaciousness exercise and let me know how it goes!
More than anything, I want you to know this: it’s going to be okay. I say this with complete confidence after 30 years of working as a Parenthood Clarity Mentor.
You will make this decision. For now, though, choose not to decide, and focus on the internal spaciousness you deserve.