Motherhood - Is It For Me?Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity

By Denise L. Carlini & Ann Davidman

There are few places women can go to explore their ambivalence about motherhood without being judged or told what to do. Do you want to be a mom? It’s a simple enough question, unless it’s not. If you’re ambivalent about this choice, the reason is multilayered, and it can be a lonely struggle with indecision. 

  • Are you struggling with not knowing if you want to have children?

  • Does it seem like everyone else just knows, and you don’t?

  • Do you need the answer yesterday, if not yesteryear?

  • Do you want to clarify once and for all whether becoming a mother is your calling in life?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, Motherhood – Is It For Me? is written for you. We offer this book as your oasis, your sanctuary – a place for you to explore, discover, and know your deepest truth.




Praise for Motherhood - Is It For Me?

"There is no agenda in the book. It is very personal to the reader and it is about the reader's own process. As you read it, it creates some space in a very crowded world of judgements, time pressures, expectations and all the other things that make it hard to think and feel clearly in relation to fertility."

~ Journal of Fertility Counselling, British Infertility Counselling Association

“Most women struggling to decide whether or not to have a child make this choice alone, rarely sharing their doubts and fears with anybody because of the shame and anxiety involved in even considering motherhood an option rather than an imperative. Now, they will find the wise, thoughtful and non-judgmental advice they need in Motherhood – Is It For Me?, the systematic program designed to guide any woman to the life choice that is right for her.”

~ Jeanne Safer, PhD, author of Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Children.

“The Motherhood - Is it for me? program helped me to realize that what was holding me back from seeing what I wanted had nothing to do with the question of whether I wanted children. Once I was freed of that paralyzing thought pattern I was able to seek out what was true for me amidst all the clutter, an experience that changed my life for the better and helped me gain clarity on many levels."

~ Kate K., San Francisco, CA

“Motherhood- Is It For Me? is a book that will help so many women to find their way to peace around whether to have children or not. It is much needed as it addresses one of the core social taboos that make having a frank dialogue about this so difficult - ambivalence. Many involuntarily childless women who seek the support of Gateway Women often come to the painful realization that one of the reasons they didn’t pursue motherhood more actively was because of unexplored ambivalence, often stemming from childhood experiences that left them confused about what motherhood ‘meant’. I believe that ambivalence is quite normal, yet the prevailing view of society’s pronatalism is that women ‘just know’; a belief that fails to recognize that modern women’s lives and opportunities, including access to birth control, have created choices that make ‘just knowing’ a thing of the past, if ever it truly existed. As a society, we’re only just beginning to create a space and a language for how to navigate these choices, and this thorough, intelligent, empathic, non-judgmental book takes us a big step forward. Whether you wish to explore and be sure of your reasons for choosing to live childfree, or to understand what’s blocking you from actively pursuing the path to motherhood, this book will be your friend and guide. I know many women who will wish it had been around twenty years ago, and I am grateful to Denise and Ann for making it available to the generations of daughters that come after us.”

~ Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women and author of Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Life Without Children

“I read this book as a man questioning himself about fatherhood. The process described in the book was a major gift to my life. I was in a very difficult situation, not knowing wether I wanted children or not. Going through the 12 weeks has brought me 100% of where I stand, and it was a powerful tool to understand more about myself and how my own beliefs might shape my decision. Deeply and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you Ann for having written this.”

~ T, 2018



More praise for Motherhood - Is It For Me?

“The program was a powerful reminder of who I am amid all of life's uncertainty and complications. Instead of being overly focused on what I can't control, I have found that I am really enjoying shaping my life and being grateful for the gifts it brings. I am not at the mercy of my feelings, because I have new tools for understanding, sharing, and moving towards what I want.”

~ Rosie D., California 

“Welcome to a contemporary guide for the contemporary woman! No longer is it to be assumed that there is a ‘maternal instinct’ in a framework of moral judgment. In this book conflict and ambivalence are accepted as a normalized rite of passage to self-acceptance. From a neutral and nurturing point of view regarding the choice, the authors provide a graceful, twelve-week encounter a woman can make with herself. The writing is accessible and the techniques relevant, all with the goal to help a woman gradually uncover hidden, unconscious parts of herself – echoes from the past – that when integrated into her sense of herself can move her forward regarding a choice about motherhood. This book provides a well recommended journey for the questioning woman."

~ Phyllis Tobin, PhD, author of Motherhood Optional: A Psychological Journey

“After going through the program, I had a very clear internal sense of direction. I particularly appreciated the approach, which recognized that we had all tried an analytical, ‘pros and cons’ problem-solving approach to answering the question and that hadn't worked. This process was extremely valuable to help me uncover - and overcome - fears I didn't even know I had about becoming a mother.”

~ Stephanie R., San Mateo, CA

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