3 (Surprising) Reasons Making a Decision About Parenthood Feels so DifficultJun 28, 2022
Do you want be a mom or dad?
Do you want to live a child-free life?
Can you picture yourself on either path? Do you know what’s true for you?
If you’re feeling unsure, you’re not alone! In my 30 years of teaching and mentoring people through my parenthood clarity process, I’ve noticed the patterns — common reasons people feel stuck when trying to decide whether parenthood is right for them...
Today I’m sharing a few you might not expect.
3 (Surprising) Reasons Making a Decision About Parenthood
Feels so Difficult
1. You're trying to make a decision about two separate things at once — what you want AND what you're going to do about it.
It might seem natural to consider both prongs of this decision at the same time, but they actually require two separate mental processes. Trying to consider them both at one time creates mental gridlock that’s hard to think your way out of.
The more you mull it over, weighing the pros and cons, the more broken you're going to feel.
Let me assure you, you’re not broken. After decades of experience, I can share this secret with you — the most efficient way out of the mental gridlock is to put the decision to the side. (Counterintuitive, right? But it works!)
You have to put the decision on the sidelines so you can do a deep dive and understand the why behind what you really want — so you're not just reacting to what you think you're supposed to want.
You deserve to know what your heart desires and understand it from the inside out. When you understand what you truly want, you can stand tall and firm in what you want and why.
(This process typically requires 3-4 months of focused time spent unearthing what your desire truly is.)
2. We live in a pro-natalist society.
Don’t be fooled. It may feel like our modern culture gives you the space to decide on parenthood for yourself. Unfortunately, it's just not true.
Our culture screams its conclusion loud and clear — you “should” want children and you “should” have children.
Even if you're raised in a home without pressure or expectations around the issue of parenthood, you still can't avoid the messaging in society — it’s in the air.
Of course, this larger culture messaging is a complete myth. Parenthood is an option, an incredibly personal choice you get to make for yourself. Only you know what your truth is.
3. You need NEW information to help make this decision — from this unexpected source.
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I already have all the information I need to decide about parenthood. There are no new ‘facts’ to uncover — I’m just rehashing the same old considerations and fears. And I’m stuck.”
The “same old stuff” you’re rehashing while trying to figure out what you want is likely coming from your external influences. These influences are woven so intricately into the fabric of your life that they’re almost imperceptible. They’re different for everyone, but often include finances, health, age, relationships, support network, fears, and more.
To gain clarity, you must place these external influences in a tightly lidded jar so you can focus on your internal world.
Ironically, what YOU truly desire on your deepest levels is likely the new information you need to make a decision. It comes from within, but it’s been buried under the subconscious messaging in your mind for so long that you’re not even aware of it..
Finally getting clear on what you want and why will absolutely feel like new information. Because it will be!