Seeking Clarity: Interviews with Women Who Sought and Found Their Answer to the Motherhood Question
Today, I continue the series, Seeking Clarity: Interviews with Women Who Sought and Found Their Answer to the Motherhood Question with a conversation with a client who thought she always knew her answer.
The unanswered question of do I or don’t I become a mother may be the most life-defining decision a woman can make. The women asking it are an invisible population of courageously conscientious, brilliant, lovely women who are not willing to settle for "It’ll work out," "I’ll just see what happens," "I’ll just do it," or "I’ll do what you want." I have no judgment of any woman’s decision or her process of getting there. I just want to create a supportive space so that these women who struggle in silence can understand that they are not alone.
Why did you take the Online Group Motherhood Clarity Course (MCC)?
I was someone who had always wanted to be a mother (100%). But then, when I was in my late twenties, I embarked on a process of care-taking both of my parents who were dying from terminal illnesses. The whole process was about 10 years long, and by the end of it, I was in my late 30s and something in me had just shut down around having children. I needed to tease apart what was a response to grieving and what was actually my true desire around children. It felt time-sensitive because of my age. I had good friends (a husband and wife) who had gone through the Motherhood and Fatherhood Clarity Courses and highly recommended it so I signed up!
What were you hoping would happen by taking the MCC?
I wanted to come to a very clear decision around whether I wanted children or not. And to feel totally resolved in whatever I decided.
What surprised you most or what was most helpful about the MCC?
The process was nothing like what I expected. I found the approach so interesting because it helps you circumvent the usual "Do I or don't I want children?" questioning which naturally comes with this decision. The exercises help you circumvent that dichotomy and get into the underlying issues of why you might have confusion or ambivalence about having kids. The exercises definitely got me out of my thinking mind - which was paralyzed by the decision - and into a more feeling, understanding, and exploring mindset, which helped me realize the deeper part of myself which was struggling with this decision.
Where did you end up and were you satisfied with the course?
I ended up deciding that I wanted to have children. Ironically, I am still not sure if that will happen, mostly because of my age, but it helped me find a direction to head in. It's still been bumpy, and I still experience ambivalence sometimes, but our (my husband and my) general trajectory is towards trying to have a baby.
Would you recommend this course to others and why?
Absolutely. This course, and this work, is so needed in a world where women now have the freedom to really choose whether parenthood is right for them. It's a very challenging decision and one with many layers. There are no other programs out there that I have found that really help women (and men) who are struggling with this decision to get at the heart of what is going on for them.
What would you tell a woman who is struggling with not knowing or struggling to decide?
That there is nothing wrong with you for struggling with this incredibly complex decision. Your capacity to question this decision is a sign of maturity and will actually help you live your life more consciously whether you decide for or against having a child.
© 2017 Ann Davidman
The Motherhood Clarity Course™ is based on the original Motherhood-Is it for me? ™ program created in 1991 by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman.