(Excerpt from Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman)
During Week 2 of Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, your conscious journey begins in earnest. You’re on the road to discovering your truth. We’ll be your guides and introduce you to The Mantra©, a tool we hope will provide you with immediate relief and continued support on your journey in the weeks to come. This big project of figuring out what you want does not necessarily require a big effort. It simply requires that you stay engaged with the process and leave the navigating to us.
We invite you to read, breathe, and live The Mantra throughout the program. Its purpose is to bring immediate relief from any pressure you feel about your uncertainty.
I don’t know.
I don’t know why I don’t know.
It’s not my fault that I don’t know.
It’s okay that I don’t know.
I have had clarity before about many things.
My true desire matters and no one can know it better than I.
I am the definer of me.
The answers will come because they never left.
Only I can know what’s true for me... It’s all within me.
I don’t know.
The mantra begins with "I don’t know" because it is right there on the surface of your consciousness – the foremost thought causing you distress. We have good news for you: Throughout the program you have total permission not to know. In fact it’s essential that you choose not to know, with intention, for the process to work its magic.
We frequently hear women say, “One minute I can see how I want to be a mom and the next minute I don’t see how I possibly can.” Human nature compels us to seek answers actively. It can feel excruciating not to know, and fluctuating between answers creates the perpetual illusion that any moment the answer will come and provide relief. In fact, making a case for yes and then making a case for no doesn’t help you get any closer to getting off the fence; it only serves to temporarily soothe anxiety, nothing more.
When you find yourself swinging in one direction or the other, guide your thoughts back to the center – the I don’t know. It can be helpful to imagine yourself traveling on the trajectory of a horizontal figure eight, or infinity sign, with I don’t know as the center point. As you slide toward either direction, let yourself easily slide back to that center point. Keep in mind that this is fluid and gentle rather than rigid; there’s no need to hold on tightly.
It might take a few weeks to sink comfortably into the state of actively not knowing. It might feel painful, hopeless, or scary at times. If you’re already leaning in one direction or the other, returning to I don’t know can feel like you’re backsliding. Rest assured that not knowing is risk- free. You can’t lose your true desire. Your truth will only become clear as you allow yourself further exploration, pressure-free.
We invite you to frame your experience of I don’t know as being liberating. Letting your shoulders drop an inch or two, taking a few deep breaths, and being able to say I don’t know without any judgment can feel like a reprieve that allows you to be more present and more available to receive authentic answers.
Copyright © 2016 by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman