Do you want to be a mom or add children to your family?
What do you want for you?
If you don’t know, do you want to know?
Is knowing your personal truth a priority for you?
If one of your New Year's resolutions is to decide the motherhood question, you can get started on it now, before December ends. Have it behind you by the first quarter of next year. There really is no need to wait another minute.
It’s also perfectly fine to say, “I’ll think about the motherhood question in a few years.” But if you want clarity about it, or you feel tortured by not knowing your personal answer, then you can get started today. Don't wait for the next Motherhood Clarity Course; now, the Motherhood-Is it for me?™ program is available as a book that you can work through at your own pace.
The writing exercise shown below appears in Week 9 of the 12-week program of Motherhood: Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, but it’s useful to do at any time. Start it today. Prioritize this gift for yourself alongside all of the other gifts you're getting for others this season.
I invite you to value yourself and give yourself direction—gift yourself with good, solid attention from you. Even if you don’t make a clear decision about whether to choose motherhood or a childfree life, knowing your next step toward clarity will set you free from feeling overwhelmed, worried, and uncertain. Even if you already know that you don’t want to make a decision for a few years, you still have to know your desire before you can make a decision. Knowing what you want for you has to precede your decision. You can do that piece of the puzzle now. It’s never too soon to explore and uncover your desire. I can tell you with certainty that if you try to figure out your desire and your decision at the same time you will end up in gridlock.
I hope this year ends well and the new year begins well for you. Know that your struggle to figure out this important decision can end in a moment. As soon as you say to yourself, “I want help with this indecision,” you’ll immediately move in the direction of your truth—and there is freedom in truth.
Be Curious: Assignment for Week 9
As you do your assignments, keep in mind that they don’t need to be rational, nor do they need to be written in complete, linear sentences. Let your mind and heart free-associate while you let your pen or fingertips take you on an adventure. Unleash your unconscious and let it flow uncensored.
1. My Journal Entry
Imagine yourself one year into your future and see if you can get a real sense of being there. If it helps, close your eyes so you can sink into the picture more completely. Once you arrive, look back over the last twelve months, visualizing what pleased you. Don’t focus on disappointments or longings. Give yourself over to your imagination and focus on what delighted you during this fantasy year. Now describe your year-in-review. There are no shoulds in this writing assignment; if you need to tweak it to make it work for you, do so. It’s also fine to write in general terms when being precise doesn’t feel beneficial.
Below are five examples of what your journal entry might look like. Notice in each case the positive tone.
- I love that we finally figured out our decision about children. We saw a couples’ therapist for a while and got help with having a more connected relationship. Our life together is better than ever.
- My career is taking off and I’m working toward developing myself so I can move into a management position. I know now what my next steps are.
- I am now happily pregnant, and we’ve decided not to learn the sex of the baby.
- I’m happily settling into my life without children, and the traveling I did this past year felt great. I’m caring less and less what other people think.
- It doesn’t feel bad anymore that I don’t know. I trust that my desire will become known to me in time. What matters most to me now is that I feel happy inside regardless of whether or not I have children.
When you’re ready, open your journal and begin writing. Journal entry dated one year from today:
As I look back over the past year, I’m pleased to notice...
Copyright © 2016 Ann Davidman
The Motherhood Clarity Course™ is based on the original Motherhood-Is It For Me?™ program :co-created in 1991 by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman.